What is approach anxiety and what causes approach anxiety? How do you get over approach anxiety? In this article, we will be discussing a common dating problem that many men have, which is the inability to start a conversation with a pretty girl.
Most men experience severe approach anxiety, and due to this, have a complete inability to talk to a girl, and expand their dating lives. But after reading this article, you will have zero approach anxiety (AA) and will be a champion when it comes to talking to girls.
What is Approach Anxiety?
Approach anxiety is caused by our evolutionary roots. We evolved in small tribes of people, meaning that there would have only been 10-20 girls in our tribe. Out of these 10-20 girls, maybe only 3-5 would be young and able to mate.
This means that if one rejected you, the others would likely as well, which would decrease your chances of mating. In other words, approach anxiety is an evolutionary defense mechanism meant to help you, rather than harm you.
The problem is, it’s out dated, so we need to learn how to beat it.
What Causes Approach Anxiety?
Let me tell you a little story taken from my blog that I believe will help you understand more about approach anxiety, and why it can feel so powerful in our lives:
First things first, we should go over what causes approach anxiety. In order to understand this, like many things, we need to go back to our primal roots.
Imagine that you’re a caveman and you stumble upon a nearby group of people—you don’t know any of them. You don’t know the women, the men, or the children. Say that you have the courage to go and approach one of the girls, though.
Do you know what would likely happen? The alpha male of the group would bash you over the head with a rock, because you were trying to steal his girl. That’s what would happen.
That’s all that approach anxiety is—a remnant from our evolutionary past. It’s your brain saying “don’t talk to a girl you don’t know, unless you have high status.”
This is linked to something else, known as “status anxiety,” which is basically when you don’t know where you stand in the hierarchy. When you go to a night club or a bar, and you know nobody there, you have no idea where you stand in the pack. This is status anxiety.
This is one of the things that contributes to approach anxiety. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to approach women you don’t know when you’re with your buddies? Yup—that’s because you feel like you’re higher status when you have a few guys to back you up.
Remember: 100,000 years ago if you stumbled into a tribe, but had a few of your buddies, you’d probably feel more confident in your ability to approach women you don’t know. Realize that approach anxiety is simply your brain saying “don’t hit on the alpha male’s girl, or he’ll kill you.”
Do you see the point? Do you see how powerful this is?
Millions of years of evolution literally trained us to avoid talking to pretty girls we don’t know, because some other alpha male could come and kill us if he found out.
This is why we experience approach anxiety to this day, because our bodies haven’t caught up with modern times.
How to Get Over Approach Anxiety
Unfortunately, the only way to actually get over approach anxiety, is to ACTUALLY approach women.
You can sit around all day in your house feeling sorry for yourself, or you can actually go make a change.
I prefer to do the latter, and hopefully you do, as well.
Just acknowledging that it is caused by your evolutionary roots, will help you get over approach anxiety.
Once you know the cause of something, it is far easier to beat.
So, with this in mind, let’s go over some approach anxiety drills.
Approach Anxiety Drills
Here are a few approach anxiety drills you can do to get over your fear of rejection.
The first is to simply get used to talking to people. All you do for this one, is make a commitment to make small talk with every cashier and every worker at a restaurant/coffee shop that you see nearby.
Do this at least 3x per day. You don’t need to ask for her number at all, and you can even make small talk if it’s a guy. The goal of this is to simply get used to talking to new people. That’s it.
Next, is another drill. For this approach anxiety drill you can ask 5 random girls each day where the coolest bar is in town. Tell her that you’re new in town, and just want to know where the cool spots are.
After this, make a commitment to approach 15 new girls a day… now I know what you’re thinking.
“15, that’s a lot, isn’t it?” I can hear you ask. Well the truth is that approaching 15 is easier than 5. How come?
Because with 5, it feels like such a big deal. There’s only 5, so if 1 or 2 goes very wrong, it seems like a lot.
But if you approach 15? If only a few go wrong it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Plus you learn faster.
Approach Anxiety Summary
In summary, approach anxiety is caused by our evolutionary roots not being tuned to the modern day needs we have.
Once you understand this, it is far easier to get over approach anxiety.
If you like, you can use some of the drills I gave you to get over this. Approach anxiety drills are a great way to beat approach anxiety!
All in all, I hope this information was useful, and I will talk to you guys soon!