Why Do Women Like “Assholes”?

how to be an asshole

Many nice guys ask themselves the following question: “why do women like assholes?” Everywhere they look, it seems that a lot of really nice girls end up dating horrible guys. Today, I’m going to explain why this is.

A lot of guys attempt to be “nice guys” and it ends up blowing up in their face. They buy a girl flowers, they send her chocolates, and they give her compliments all day long. Women are repulsed by this type of behavior, because it’s “too soon too fast.”

So with this in mind, let’s dive a little bit deeper on why women seem to like guys who are jerks.


Why Girls Like Jerks

First off, understand that girls don’t like “jerks.” They like the right TYPE of jerk. Lots of guys think that it’s the fact that a guy is a jerk that makes a woman attracted to him, but the truth is you want to be the right type of guy.

According to dating expert Jon Anthony, in his article “How to Be An Asshole” he says the following:

Women want a man who is a leader. They want a man who’s decisive, confident, and has firm boundaries. In other words, they want an alpha male.

What they DON’T want, is a man who’s a spineless coward, who can’t stand up for himself. Women want to feel safe with a man; they want to feel that he can protect her.

…and if he’s constantly agreeing with others and being nice just to fit in, they won’t feel safe around him. Being agreeable is a female characteristic. Being an asshole is a male characteristic.

That doesn’t mean to be an asshole all the time, but it means you should develop some asshole characteristics:

  • Willingness to disagree
  • Firm boundaries
  • Godlike frame control (to pass her shit tests)
  • Absolute fearlessness
  • Unshakable confidence

Beta males share none of these characteristics, which is why they hardly ever get girls. Alpha males, though? They have ALL of these characteristics. Once you truly develop the emotions of an alpha male, you will begin to understand.

Fundamentally, women are not attracted to assholes. They are attracted to people with the characteristics of confidence, assertiveness, and firm boundaries, and these people just happen to be assholes.


Developing Confidence (Mindset vs. Behavior)

Once you understand this, the #1 thing you need to do is start building more confidence. Understand that you need to go out into the world and forge your dreams, in order to build confidence.

Many people think that confidence can be built at home. They tell you to meditate, to get psychotherapy, and do all manner of exercises. But the truth is that confidence can only be built out in the field.

Why is it that most business owners, celebrities, and successful individuals are confident? Because they put in the hard work to become successful. They were faced with obstacles, and overcame them, which develops confidence.

Take a look at what Jon Anthony says, in his article: “How to Be An Alpha Male“:

When a lot of guys first get started in the field of self-development, they go through this sort of “fake phase.” What I mean by this, is that they’ve read about alpha males and beta males, and they’ve realized that they act like a beta male.

So to become more “alpha,” they change their behaviors. They spend all of this time fretting over questions like:

  • “Uhh, should I do this for a girl? Is it too beta?”
  • “Uhh what should I wear? What does an alpha male wear?’
  • “How long should I wait to call her back?”
  • “When does an alpha male break eye contact?”

But what they don’t realize is that you can change every single one of your behaviors…and it still won’t change whether you’re an alpha or beta male.

Whether you’re an alpha male or beta male is determined by your mindset. This is my gripe with most of modern masculine self-development. It trains men to attack the surface level problems, and not the underlying causes.

So instead of trying to change every single one of your little behaviors, just change your underlying mindset so that the behaviors will change themselves naturally.

This is the most important thing. Most guys think that simply changing your behaviors is enough to attract women. The truth is however, that you want to change your underlying mindset. This is the only way to bring about true change.



In short, women don’t actually like “assholes” but rather men who are confident, dominant, and assertive. It’s just that these men typically happen to be jerks, that makes people conflate the information.

The truth is that if you become a more confident, dominant, and assertive person, women will be very attracted to you, and they will choose you over a “jerk” every single time.

Go out and develop your passion and purpose in life, and you will very quickly find that your confidence improves. You have to face experiences, do your best, and overcome obstacles, to develop true inner confidence, that cannot be taken from you, or stopped.

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